You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
