i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
