Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can I color on your dick again?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
