If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize