i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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