I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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