at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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