I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
zippers are such a cool invention
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
