Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
