when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
