Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wanna bring you to show and tell
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
