do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dicks are not precious.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
