One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
