Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize