I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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