I just threw up on my dentist
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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