You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just googled if crying burns calories
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
