apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
