He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
