we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
