at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
