He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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