grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
