he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
