I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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