If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
