This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
