she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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