It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
