so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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