Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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