i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
