I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
