Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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