So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
