Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
