I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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