NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sober January is a disaster.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize