I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
