The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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