this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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