you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize