After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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