I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I am available for nakedness
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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