I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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