so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
