im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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