Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
