is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
