Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
