he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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