i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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