She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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