i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
