fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
