We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize