everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
