Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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