The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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