Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's Friday. Sex?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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