It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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