bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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