jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
