There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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