Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize