your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
