dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize