winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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