I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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