i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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