for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
