Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
