I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
