Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
