Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
