Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
