I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
