I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
