I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
