You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
