I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
