thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
