after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
