So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
