dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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