I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
