he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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