My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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