ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
