The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
