Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
