I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize