yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
