Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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