what day is it and did you see me today?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
