thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
