i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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